As we ended the conversation, I held the phone close to my heart and began immediately talking to my Maker…
I had never been more aware that I needed His help. “You know You’re going to have to help me Lord” I said to Him with a mouth full of my own tears. Yes, I had laid back on my bed, sinking slowly into the pillows. Motionless as the tears flowed effortlessly from my eyes to my mouth as I was pleading with God to quickly ease my pain. The pain, the hurt…the devastation of it all was quickly becoming unbearable. I cried for days…
Through all of the tears and with all the pain, I made a conscious decision that I would not give in to my flesh, I would not act out. I had no plans on giving the evil one any of my energy, no no he had done enough. Feeling God’s presence through it all, I took a break from my sorrow and asked, Why did it have to happen like this? His answer would only multiply my tears… See, I had known that the relationship had served its purpose long before the betrayal. But I had remained faithful to it versus being faithful to God and where He was leading me.
I had loved the person and loved her deeply. Most importantly, I had loved in spite of… Had I loved too much? Perhaps… and as I share the experience on today, I still feel the love and I still feel the pain. I feel the faintness of pain that lingers and causes the slight ache in my heart. I wipe away the few tears that remain and thank God for the release. I thank Him for being my Comforter, my Healer and my Heart Regulator. I’m thankful that this moment in time is exactly where I need to be in order to get to where I should be. It is a part of my journey. It is a reflection of who I was. It is a fact of who I am. A constant reminder of who I am becoming and why.
Betrayal is devastating. The enemy meant to change my heart. To harden it so that I might become the same as the one who hurt me. But his plan failed. I still love and I love with the love of my Father. I love because He first loved me. I did not let the hurt consume me. Instead, I use the experience as a guide. It guides me in life and through life. My approach to situations and how I treat others is different but always through love. Love of the person but as well love for myself. I don’t mind when I become aware that my relationship status with a person is pending or ending because all I hold on to now is God’s unchanging hand. It serves as a reminder for me to constantly examine my own heart. It is my testimony of how God can and will heal the broken hearted. It is the evidence that He is, always has and forever is with me. My Healer. My Comforter. My Shield.
In this life, we are going to experience it all…and through it all, we must continue to show up for life. Is it easy? No! Is it possible? Yes! How? My response is and always will be- Because we can do all things and I do mean all things through Christ who strengthens us.
What the enemy meant for my bad, did not work!!! God turned it around, he didn’t just turn it around because He can, it was because I wanted to be okay and my heart was right. I did not lash out. I did not turn from God. I did not blame God. I did not retaliate or try to hurt the other party. My character remained in tact. Instead I leaned into God and let the healing begin. Notice I said let the healing begin This has been well over 5 years and I am still healing. God is still mending the heart. I am allowing the release and the soul tie that was there has almost finished unraveling. I take all of the special moments and place them in my heart where they belong, letting all others fade away.
Affairs Of The Heart
The heart on it’s own,
The heart is unknown…
Strong but yet weak…
After pure things, the heart must seek.
Always revealing. Always healing.
The heart is forgiving.
The heart is uplifting.
Pure and Holy
Tried and true.
Blessed be the heart, as God heals you.
Affairs Of The Heart
Vetta’s Gifts: A Collection of Poems by Keeser Coley
If you are having problems with your skin, this cream has done wonders for me as well as my baby girl.
Baby girl had a horrible struggle with eczema. Prescription creams did little to nothing. Coach Kelley’s cream has been instrumental in clearing up her skin irritations as well, it has cleared her skin up…
I had eczema and psoriasis…I rarely share this but there was a time that it covered certain areas of my body that made cringe. But I’m as good as gold now.
There are times that I may have a outbreak but that’s because I am not eating right or stress tries to visit but a little self care, discipline and a few extra applications of cream and all is well.
A problem area for me was my hairline. At some point I began using it in my scalp and on my hair.
I love this cream and it’s on sale. Check her out, she has lots more to offer…
Pondering over the garden and doing prep work. What a satisfying feeling of being able to continously reap. These are the last of my chamomile and lavender that I harvested. It’s almost that time again and I’m super excited.
Cottagegarden was such a learning experience. So much growth for myself as well. I was able to speak life to myself every day. It was a trying time and I am eternally grateful that I was mindful enough to realize what a blessing it all was and is.
My first garden and I think I did well. Being in a smaller space means I have to become more strategic and I am certainly up for the challenge!
I’ll sip on this lovely blend and finalize my plans.
I’m not big on the whole concept and to be honest, I rarely think twice about a “New Year Resolution”.
At this crossroad, I said to myself, ” Then what are you going to do”
That’s when I remembered that I had promised myself that I was going to stop being so hard on myself and I was going to stop being so hard on others as well…
I had been a perfectionist…just down right anal about things. I had expected close to perfection from others as well.
But that’s not reality, in itself unattainable. Facilitating too much stress and strain on the mind, will and emotions.
I’ve been through seasons that were so very stressful. Some self inflicted, some not.
What I have realized is there will always be something or someone out in this big bad world ready, willingly and able to make me “go there” & “go off”.
I’ve learned to choose my battles more wisely and in doing so, life for the me has changed drastically. My mind is clearer… uncluttered & unbothered! My body is healthier. My heart is becoming more open and life is easier.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that my husband has played a major role in helping me to see things differently. He helps me to say yes to myself more often. That in itself makes it easy to say no to the stress!
I’m trying to live life to the fullest. Being more acceptable of my flaws and falling deeper in love with me.
I do believe that had I actually left this out for Santa that he’d be at our house still on Christmas Day…devouring the rest of this Red Velvet Cake. This was our first order from #sweetbellycookiesandtreats but it won’t be our last.
There was a season in life that I had no interest in going to “The Swamp”
My husband had shared with me his experiences visiting and I had expressed to him that I couldn’t go “there”…
Well 3 years later, I was in a different season in life and ready to face fears, as well as have more & different experiences.
I first visited Louisiana in 2019.
I remember calling Auntie to let her know that we were heading to New Orleans for the fireworks!!! She told me to enjoy myself and reminded me that there was a whole world waiting for me to see…
Needless to say, we had a wonderful time over the 4th of July holiday. Such a time it was that 7 months later, we were back for Mardi Gras…Oh yes, I love it!
But not in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that 8 months after that, I would be living, working and experiencing life in such an extraordinary way in The Swamp. It’s not been all fireworks and parades but I would not trade this time for anything.
I have met some extraordinary people, broken & flawed like the best of us, yet as real & ready as the next.
I’ve had the Divine honor of hearing the stories of some beautiful women and the Divine pleasure of sharing my stories with them. Not one of us is unreachable and when you have been assigned to do a thing, the way may not seem easy but it’s always accessible.
We are all just a person away from breakthrough, as well as revelation!!!
I’ve learned so much about myself. I’ve learned so much about my husband. All in all, I’ve learned so much about life. I am pleased that my husband and I were able to be a positive & uplifting example to many.