As we ended the conversation, I held the phone close to my heart and began immediately talking to my Maker…
I had never been more aware that I needed His help.
“You know You’re going to have to help me Lord” I said to Him with a mouth full of my own tears. Yes, I had laid back on my bed, sinking slowly into the pillows. Motionless as the tears flowed effortlessly from my eyes to my mouth as I was pleading with God to quickly ease my pain. The pain, the hurt…the devastation of it all was quickly becoming unbearable.
I cried for days…
Through all of the tears and with all the pain, I made a conscious decision that I would not give in to my flesh, I would not act out. I had no plans on giving the evil one any of my energy, no no he had done enough.
Feeling God’s presence through it all, I took a break from my sorrow and asked,
Why did it have to happen like this?
His answer would only multiply my tears…
See, I had known that the relationship had served its purpose long before the betrayal.
But I had remained faithful to it versus being faithful to God and where He was leading me.
I had loved the person and loved her deeply. Most importantly, I had loved in spite of…
Had I loved too much?
Perhaps… and as I share the experience on today, I still feel the love and I still feel the pain. I feel the faintness of pain that lingers and causes the slight ache in my heart. I wipe away the few tears that remain and thank God for the release. I thank Him for being my Comforter, my Healer and my Heart Regulator.
I’m thankful that this moment in time is exactly where I need to be in order to get to where I should be.
It is a part of my journey.
It is a reflection of who I was.
It is a fact of who I am.
A constant reminder of who I am becoming and why.
Betrayal is devastating.
The enemy meant to change my heart. To harden it so that I might become the same as the one who hurt me. But his plan failed.
I still love and I love with the love of my Father. I love because He first loved me.
I did not let the hurt consume me. Instead, I use the experience as a guide. It guides me in life and through life. My approach to situations and how I treat others is different but always through love. Love of the person but as well love for myself. I don’t mind when I become aware that my relationship status with a person is pending or ending because all I hold on to now is God’s unchanging hand.
It serves as a reminder for me to constantly examine my own heart. It is my testimony of how God can and will heal the broken hearted. It is the evidence that He is, always has and forever is with me.
In this life, we are going to experience it all…and through it all, we must continue to show up for life.
Is it easy?
Is it possible?
My response is and always will be-
Because we can do all things and I do mean all things through Christ who strengthens us.
What the enemy meant for my bad, did not work!!!
God turned it around, he didn’t just turn it around because He can, it was because I wanted to be okay and my heart was right. I did not lash out.
I did not turn from God.
I did not blame God.
I did not retaliate or try to hurt the other party.
My character remained in tact.
Instead I leaned into God and let the healing begin.
Notice I said let the healing begin
This has been well over 5 years and I am still healing.
God is still mending the heart.
I am allowing the release and the soul tie that was there has almost finished unraveling.
I take all of the special moments and place them in my heart where they belong, letting all others fade away.
Affairs Of The Heart
The heart on it’s own,
The heart is unknown…
Strong but yet weak…
After pure things, the heart must seek.
Always revealing. Always healing.
The heart is forgiving.
The heart is uplifting.
Pure and Holy
Tried and true.
Blessed be the heart, as God heals you.
Affairs Of The Heart
Vetta’s Gifts: A Collection of Poems by Keeser Coley